I was in my car, driving to work and I had this whole schpeel all worked out in my head. I had all this anger and choice words I wanted to lay out for some certain people to hear. Now I'm here and I can't remember a damn piece of it. All I know is that it was good and I felt like I could avenge some shit. So damn...I really wish I could remember. Let's see how much of it comes back to me as I go.
One thing is for certain was that it was about family. Such a general and dysfunctional word in my vocab. I don't even like most of my family, but somewhere deep inside I love them (or at least respect them) all in different ways. I know if it wasn't for some of them I wouldn't be here or be the person I am. I don't think we have to "like" everyone in our family, but we sure as hell should at least be grateful to the ones that had anything to do with your life being a possibility! I wish that people could grow up, open their eyes and really SEE people for what they really are. There is no sense in accepting someone else's reality of what they think someone is. You're an adult and you have your own two eyes, heart and mind - so use them. Why be mad at someone that has never actually wronged you?
I know it's hard to let go of anger, but I always try to fix things with them if they allow me the chance. I make mistakes too and I appreciate when people just let me say I'm sorry. I've seen it happen so many times when someone is mad at someone (and honestly can't even remember why) yet they hold onto resentment and anger just because it makes them feel like they're winning. What are you actually winning if I may ask? Anger only hurts you. Especially if that person has no idea that you're even mad. Fucked up concept if you ask me.
Let me throw in this little situation. Suddenly, that person is gone. There's nowhere left for all that emotion you stored up so easily and you're left with something else. Guilt. What a waste of time and energy to get such a shitty feeling left in it's place right? That person is gone and everyone wants to mourn, cry and pretend like they were so close when everyone else knows the truth. Don't let that be you. I will punch you in the face if you even try to pull that bullshit around me. Fight immaturity with immaturity I always say. All I'm hoping for is a little less dysfunction and more being grown ass adults making shit right. At the end of the day can you take a look in the mirror and say you tried to heal a broken relationship? If it didn't work, well at least you aren't left looking like an asshole at the next funeral and you can get right and not show up at all. All I know is that if you weren't a part of my life while I was alive you better not show up to my funeral cause I will haunt you motherfuckers.
Take a look at that...I still got to speak my piece. Not too schabby.
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