Quarter-Life Crisis

Yes, there is such a thing.  I'm living it and you can't tell me any different.  I thought my previous post would help ease the feeling of being overwhelmed, but no; here I am still stuck in a rut.  How do I get away from my own thoughts?  It's like my brain will not shut the fuck up and just let me be.  I don't want to think about life; I just want to work, sleep and eat for once without a worry.  I need a shut off switch.  I've tried drinking and it doesn't work.  I'm not cut out to be an alcoholic I guess.  Somebody save me from myself.

We're all in the shit.

It has come to my attention that I need a break from life.  I got a few calls from my brain while dreaming, and let's just say those dreams have spoken to me loud and clear.  The last conversation ended ugggggly.  I don't know what's going on lately, but it feels like I'm being pulled into more directions than I can handle.  It's nice to be needed, but it's also exhausting.  It's especially exhausting when it feels like everyone and their mother wants a piece of you.  I like to pretend I'm a little fairy that has all the power I need to keep everyone happy, but in reality I'm up to my knees in shit.  I know everyone feels this way once in awhile so I'm not trying to be overly dramatic about my issues.  I'm just saying I need to stop all the visual and mental clutter and have a me day.  Is that really too much to ask?  I'm just admitting a small defeat and trying to remember that I can't forget about myself in this process.  I've been neglecting the things I require to be happy AND functioning.  If you need to be in my general vicinity at any time, then you know that I become a grumpy bitch if I don't get my minimum.  It's not a good look.  So if I check out for awhile, you know why.

Best. Shirt. Ever.

Thanks to The Decadent Diva, Des Gonzales,  I had to make this into a shirt.  Already bought mine lol.

http://www.cafepress.com/cp/customize/product2.aspx?number=581424392&utm_source=buyat

Epiphany

You know that really horrid feeling when you look at an article of clothing and think, "Hey, this is cute; I'm gonna wear it" and once said item is on, you feel completely disgusted by how you look?  Yaaaaa...I've had a few of those moments this year.  I've been trying really hard to eat healthier and watch my boredom eating.  I'm notorious for wanting to eat everything that looks vaguely delicious; therefore I try not to go grocery shopping alone anymore...especially when I'm hungry.  Yet no amount of working out or dieting has helped me lose the weight in my tummy area though.  I mean, an emergency c-section scar is not only a constant reminder that I'm a mom, but also a badge of honor.  I love what it stands for, but I still really fucking hate that scar and all the scar tissue.  I won't even go into the details about my hatred for cellulite either.  It would take entirely too long for me to get my point across.

It's nice when people say you look pretty or compliment you on losing the baby weight. I take it as a compliment for a confidence booster, and also to keep from thinking they are being complete douchebags.  Still, there are just some days that are worse than others and no matter what anyone says, it only comes down to how you feel about yourself.

Well today I decided that I want to feel good about myself regardless of what anyone says or thinks.  I don't care what THAT bitch on THAT magazine looks like.  I'm sure deep down she's counting her blessings there is photoshop just like the rest of us.  I thought back to the time when I was a size 0, and a little part of me was sad that I no longer can wear that size, but most of me was happy that I'm not.  If I think really hard about how happy I actually was when I was that size, I would have to say I really wasn't at all.  I am happier and  more confident with myself now than I ever was back then.  That my friends is one of my finest and greatest epiphanies I have ever had.