Epiphany

You know that really horrid feeling when you look at an article of clothing and think, "Hey, this is cute; I'm gonna wear it" and once said item is on, you feel completely disgusted by how you look?  Yaaaaa...I've had a few of those moments this year.  I've been trying really hard to eat healthier and watch my boredom eating.  I'm notorious for wanting to eat everything that looks vaguely delicious; therefore I try not to go grocery shopping alone anymore...especially when I'm hungry.  Yet no amount of working out or dieting has helped me lose the weight in my tummy area though.  I mean, an emergency c-section scar is not only a constant reminder that I'm a mom, but also a badge of honor.  I love what it stands for, but I still really fucking hate that scar and all the scar tissue.  I won't even go into the details about my hatred for cellulite either.  It would take entirely too long for me to get my point across.

It's nice when people say you look pretty or compliment you on losing the baby weight. I take it as a compliment for a confidence booster, and also to keep from thinking they are being complete douchebags.  Still, there are just some days that are worse than others and no matter what anyone says, it only comes down to how you feel about yourself.

Well today I decided that I want to feel good about myself regardless of what anyone says or thinks.  I don't care what THAT bitch on THAT magazine looks like.  I'm sure deep down she's counting her blessings there is photoshop just like the rest of us.  I thought back to the time when I was a size 0, and a little part of me was sad that I no longer can wear that size, but most of me was happy that I'm not.  If I think really hard about how happy I actually was when I was that size, I would have to say I really wasn't at all.  I am happier and  more confident with myself now than I ever was back then.  That my friends is one of my finest and greatest epiphanies I have ever had.