Crazy beautiful life!

Ok so I haven't been on here in awhile and honestly it's because I'm fucking busy.  It's a lame ass excuse, but it's true so that's why I'm writing now ok so get off my back. 

The last month has been horrible and here's why.  First, my job of 6 years ended; not happy about that at all.  I was perfectly fine with where I was and then the big shots decided they wanted to retire and make a ton of money.  I would have been psyched about it if I was a big shot. (FML)  May 17th came and it all ended.  I don't even want to talk about the emotional baggage I still have due to being forced into a new job without my best friends.  I'm that sad about it.  So anyway, it's time to find a new job...sounds so easy for the oil and gas business and yet of course that had to be a complete nightmare for me.  I had 2 jobs lined up.  Yep 2, and somehow both of them were crap shoots.  Awesome.  If I didn't have a severance package, shit would of got real right then and there.  Hold it together.  Just hold it together.  That's all I could tell myself to keep from losing it.  We all like happy endings (that's what she said!), so I'm glad to inform you that I found work; just don't want you to worry about me too much lol.  It's been a couple weeks, and all jokes aside, I am in a good place. 

Another thing eating away at me is my daughter growing up.  She is going to be 3 already.  What the hell is happening with all this growing up and getting old shit?!  I didn't sign up for this mom business thinking it would just flash before my eyes!!!  I have to plan her party and I honestly can't bring myself to do it.  For some reason this birthday is especially hard.  I think it's because of the fact that I still see her as my baby and yet she insists on being a diva and trying to do her own thing.  I didn't think I had to worry about this issue until she was at least 13.  WRONG!  She has my personality and attitude that I have now at 26.  If you know me, then you can paint your own picture.  She's a Leo (I prefer hellcat) so that should have been my first clue of where this story was leading.  Let's start with some examples.  She repeats everything she hears.  Not right away mind you, so she'll throw you a curve ball and announce loudly that she sounds like an Asian kid sometimes.  Let me explain.  In my defense, I told her she sounded like Mrs. Swan from MadTV a couple weeks ago.  She did!!!  Stop judging me.  She asked me who that was and I told her it was an Asian lady that was on tv.  Somehow she absorbed that and this is the kind of thing I'm trying to deal with on a daily basis...literally.  I come home from work and I never know what new surprises she's learned from her adventures in the world.  She also likes to yell, "Whoa whoa whoa, muffin top!"  I'm to blame for this also and it was my own muffin top being referred to by the way.  This whole mom thing is hard.  You're still judging...stop it.

So you see it's been quite an eventful couple of weeks for me and I'm assuming it's not gonna end anytime soon.  I've gotten used to being at a new elevated level of stress so I just deal with it.  Life is keeping me on my toes that's for sure.  I will try and be better at blogging more often, mostly for my sake, but because it's fun to share some of the craziness of life with everyone.  It keeps me sane knowing other parents are having just as much fun behind the scenes as we are. :)

I really need a cupcake!

Find your own truth.

I was in my car, driving to work and I had this whole schpeel all worked out in my head.  I had all this anger and choice words I wanted to lay out for some certain people to hear.  Now I'm here and I can't remember a damn piece of it.  All I know is that it was good and I felt like I could avenge some shit.  So damn...I really wish I could remember.  Let's see how much of it comes back to me as I go.

One thing is for certain was that it was about family.  Such a general and dysfunctional word in my vocab.  I don't even like most of my family, but somewhere deep inside I love them (or at least respect them) all in different ways.  I know if it wasn't for some of them I wouldn't be here or be the person I am.  I don't think we have to "like" everyone in our family, but we sure as hell should at least be grateful to the ones that had anything to do with your life being a possibility!  I wish that people could grow up, open their eyes and really SEE people for what they really are.  There is no sense in accepting someone else's reality of what they think someone is.  You're an adult and you have your own two eyes, heart and mind - so use them.  Why be mad at someone that has never actually wronged you? 

I know it's hard to let go of anger, but I always try to fix things with them if they allow me the chance.  I make mistakes too and I appreciate when people just let me say I'm sorry.  I've seen it happen so many times when someone is mad at someone (and honestly can't even remember why)  yet they hold onto resentment and anger just because it makes them feel like they're winning.  What are you actually winning if I may ask?  Anger only hurts you.  Especially if that person has no idea that you're even mad.  Fucked up concept if you ask me. 

Let me throw in this little situation.  Suddenly, that person is gone.  There's nowhere left for all that emotion you stored up so easily and you're left with something else.  Guilt.  What a waste of time and energy to get such a shitty feeling left in it's place right?  That person is gone and everyone wants to mourn, cry and pretend like they were so close when everyone else knows the truth.  Don't let that be you.  I will punch you in the face if you even try to pull that bullshit around me.  Fight immaturity with immaturity I always say.  All I'm hoping for is a little less dysfunction and more being grown ass adults making shit right.  At the end of the day can you take a look in the mirror and say you tried to heal a broken relationship?  If it didn't work, well at least you aren't left looking like an asshole at the next funeral and you can get right and not show up at all.  All I know is that if you weren't a part of my life while I was alive you better not show up to my funeral cause I will haunt you motherfuckers.

Take a look at that...I still got to speak my piece.  Not too schabby.

Just happy :)

I'm sure everyone has had a moment where they realized they dodged a bullet.  One of those times when you see clearly and realize that any other way the situation would have happened would have just been BAD.  I love those moments.  I feel like it's God showing me very subtly that he is still in control.  It's the slap in the face your parents don't give you anymore.  The grounding that only someone that loves you can give.  I so desperately needed that in my life and it came to me; all by itself in a rare and quiet moment I heard my heart.  I kissed my baby good night and I held my husband's hand to go to sleep, and just like that I knew I had everything I could ever need.  No amount of money could buy that happiness.  A bigger house can't make me feel anymore complete.  Everything can fall apart...my career, my house, my possessions, but as long as I remember where my heart is I don't have to worry about a thing.

WARNING: Objects angrier than they appear.

People don't like confrontation so I like to use that to my advantage.  I have no problem being the bad guy.  I prefer it.  Especially when people are just fucking wrong.  Don't come at me or anyone else I know thinking you're funny, and then get salty when I say something you don't want to hear.  It's called the truth and you're only mad cause it was funny and everyone laughed, but you.  If you were brought back to reality and your ego was deflated a little, then my job is done. 

Really?!

I'm trying to put it nicely cause I don't want to fucken hear it.

Amateur here...

I've never done this.  I mean yes, I talk a lot and voice my opinion on everything but usually just on Facebook.  This may be my worst idea ever and I'm sure this is the worst first blog ever, but I'll try and get better.  If you even vaguely know me, then you know that if I don't know something I will Google the shit out of it until I have enough info to make you sorry you asked.  I'll eventually make this look easy.  I guess I should start with a list of what you can expect from me (don't have high expectations). 

1. I'm gonna start with a list.  It makes me feel like this blog will be organized and official.
2. Bad words are my favorite and I don't care if you don't like it.  You can censor me if you feel the need.  I have given you fair warning.
3. Don't ask for my advice unless you want an honest answer.  I have lost friends over this.  Not my problem.
4. Arguing will happen.  I am no stranger to arguing even after I know I'm wrong.  Ask my husband.
5. I'm random and spontaneous, therefore I will post things that way. 
6. I make shit up and quote movies, songs (pretty much anything I hear that tickles my fancy) all the time cause I think it's funny and I like to laugh.  Most people don't get it...especially in public places.  Here's to hoping it makes more sense on here.
7. Don't take me literally.  I'm a sarcastic smartass so more than likely my comments should be taken that way.  If that makes you mad, then take me literally.  Whatever makes you happy. Refer to #4.
8. Thank you come again.

RAWR